Toxic Positivity- “Princesses Don’t Cry”

For 19 years, I lived a life of comfort, sheltered and supported by my family’s unwavering faith in my choices. Whatever I wanted to pursue, wherever I wanted to study, my parents would say, “We know you’ll make the right decision.” But when I decided to move to Mumbai for my undergrad, that confidence wavered. They were hesitant—worried about the struggles of adapting to a place I had never lived in, with cultural differences and a pace far different from what I’d known.

Against their reservations, I made it to Mumbai. I knew the journey would be tough, but I didn’t anticipate the impact it would have on my mental health. Anxiety, panic attacks, and loneliness became uninvited companions. My ability to make sound decisions and to trust the right people diminished. For someone who was always a social butterfly, blessed with friends I could count on, the reality of dealing with heartbreaks, fake friendships, and rumors took a toll. Every day became a challenge, navigating life in a city with people who unknowingly added to the weight I carried.

Friends and family have been supportive, reassuring me with phrases like “It’s okay,” “Don’t worry, be happy,” or “Cheer up.” And while I know they mean well, these words often miss the mark. What I truly need isn’t reassurance that everything will magically be okay—I need someone to acknowledge my struggles, to validate my feelings rather than brush them aside. When people insist on a cheerful outlook, I find myself feeling even more isolated, almost as if my experiences don’t matter. It's like I’m being told how to feel, which only makes it harder to manage what I’m going through.

This constant push toward “looking on the bright side” is what’s known as toxic positivity. When we’re told to ignore or suppress negative emotions, we lose the space to actually work through our pain. It can create a disconnect, making us feel pressured to act happy even when we’re hurting. And the irony is, this forced cheerfulness often has the opposite effect—it deepens our sadness because it prevents us from acknowledging and processing what we truly feel.

Growing up, I was taught to brush off negativity, to focus on the good, to pick myself up, count my blessings, and not complain. My parents would say, “Princesses don’t cry.” But why shouldn’t they? Why shouldn’t any of us? Aren’t we all human, full of emotions, both light and dark?

Since moving to Mumbai, I’ve become more aware of the language we use to comfort each other, the catchy slogans we see on social media like “Good vibes only” or “It could be worse.” I’ve realized how common toxic positivity is and how often we fall into its trap, conditioned to believe we should always be upbeat—even when that’s neither realistic nor healthy.

So now, I’ve started to practice healthy thinking. When I feel anxious or down, I let myself fully feel those emotions. By embracing my true feelings, I’ve found it’s actually easier to feel positive later on. I’ve learned that it’s essential to acknowledge our darker emotions—not to wallow in them, but to honor them as part of the human experience.

Positivity is a beautiful thing, but only when it’s genuine. Real positivity doesn’t ignore pain; it allows for it, without dismissing or diminishing it. As I continue on this journey, I’m learning to appreciate the good while also holding space for the bad.

~Jagruti Dialani